How I plan to save the world by eating all the bacon

I have come to the conclusion that everyone likes bacon. Even people who claim they don’t like bacon do, in fact, like bacon. Even vegetarians like bacon. (Ever heard of Bacon Vegetarians? They’re real.)

I have also come to the conclusion that this new worldwide obsession with bacon is actually a secret plot by bacon itself to destroy all humankind and take over the planet. So I decided that I will thwart this evil plan by eating ALL the bacon. Ever. MUAHAHA!

But first, of course, I got sucked in to the bacon frenzy. For Christmas, I bought my boyfriend the most amazing cookbook ever published. It is entitled (and I swear I’m not making this up) I LOVE BACON! and it is full of glorious heart-attack inducing recipes that will render the consumer half-dead or drooling for more. Sometimes both.

So then, because I was drunk on bacon, I decided that every time I happen upon a recipe involving bacon, I must make that recipe. Or every time I am craving bacon and the I LOVE BACON! book isn’t within my immediate grasp, I must find a recipe on the interwebs involving bacon, and then I MUST EAT IT.

We can talk about my severe bacon-induced psychological issues at a later time. For now, I would like to introduce you to the most recent of my bacon-makin’ (sorry, that was lame) endeavors. Last night, Craig (the proud owner of I LOVE BACON!) and I made Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Parmesan, Bacon and Lemon (recipe courtesy of Chicagoist). Here is a picture of the sprouts in all their glory:

I had to swipe the picture from Chicagoist as well, mostly because the sprouts that Craig and I made were really quite hideous. But I can assure you that appearance means absolutely nothing and they tasted damn good regardless. While I am fully aware that Brussels sprouts are totally unappealing to the average food-ingesting human, bacon makes everything ok. In fact, the mix of delicious heart-healthy vegetables and heart-destroying pig fat, with a sprinkling of Parmesan cheese and freshly squeezed lemon juice was like an identity-confused vegetable side dish throwing a dance party in my mouth. I’m beginning to drool, so we should move on now. But I highly recommend you make this at home.

To be totally honest, this bacon obsession has gotten a little out of hand. I say “What are we going to make for dinner?” and Craig responds with a nonchalant shrug and the simple word “Bacon?” which he cleverly phrases as a question so that I get to pretend like it was my idea and then be really proud of myself an hour later when we have concocted the most delicious bacon meal known to man.

I might have a problem.


Next time on BaconTales: How Christina died incredibly prematurely because her blood turned into bacon grease.

6 thoughts on “How I plan to save the world by eating all the bacon

  1. Lol. Well as a bacon lover myself (in fact, I just finished a bacon sandwich) I may have to object to you eating ALL the bacon. Perhaps we can negotiate a 50/50 division of that deliciousness?

  2. Pingback: Boozing, blogging, and thoughts on macaroni and cheese « Eatables 'n Potables

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