You would probably assume my favorite pastime is drinking. But that’s not true. My favorite hobby is drinking. There is a difference. Look it up.
To the point: my favorite pastime is drunk baking. The reason this is my favorite pastime is because I drink a lot, and I bake a lot, but I rarely think to do them together. It’s only at those totally I-have-nothing-else-to-do moments that I actually consider undertaking this amazing challenge.
And then the magic happens. (And “magic” is used very loosely here. Sometimes it can mean “utter disaster.” Hooray!)
Normally I would just tell you all about the wonders of my drunk-baking experience, but I’ve only just started and I’m afraid I will be too drunk by the end to put the entire story together. I’m already having trouble and it’s only 6:30pm.
So, without further adieu, here is the play-by-play of the most wonderful day (of this week…):
Sunday, September 30
[5:14pm] Christina determines it is time for drunk baking. She opens a bottle of Dogfish Head Punkin Ale (7% ABV) and begins to drink it. Quickly.
[5:18pm] Decisions are made. APPLE MUFFINS!
[5:25pm] Batter mixed for apple muffins. Leftover apple pieces are consumed. Happiness abounds.
[5:30pm] Apple muffins go in the oven!
[Addendum to 5:30pm] Inebriation is setting in.
[Further addendum to 5:30pm] Shot of Kahlua consumed. Don’t judge.
[5:36pm] Dance party in the living room. Listening to White Panda. Waving at the neighbors in the apartment building across the street. Dancing like a maniac for their entertainment.
[5:49pm] APPLE MUFFINS ARE DONE!
[5:58pm] Cleaning the dishes for Round 2. Laaaame.
[6:06pm] Further decisions are made. OATMEAL COOKIES!
[6:09pm] Batter for oatmeal cookies is started. In an attempt to make the butter soften faster, butter is placed on the stove top.
[6:10pm] There is melted butter all over the stove top.
[6:11pm] Sponges are awesome!
[6:19pm] WET INGREDIENTS MIXED. That sounds dirty. Immaturity abounds.
[6:25pm] There is no more beer. This is a problem.
[6:26pm] Cookie batter is complete!
[6:27pm] Disturbing realization sets in that chocolate chips have been forgotten. And there are none in the house. OH GOD.
[6:30pm] Frantic dance party ensues.
[6:42pm] Trip to the grocery store is imminent.
[6:47pm] Wallet forgotten. Quick return to the apartment remedies the situation. Wallet retrieved!
[7:01pm] THERE IS MORE BEER! (And chocolate chips, of course.)
[7:09pm] Time is wasted while the cookie batter softens. It was in the fridge. What a stupid idea. More beer is consumed to make everything ok again.
[7:28pm] First batch in the oven!
[Addendum to 7:28pm] Oh god, the kitchen.
[Further addendum to 7:28pm] DANCE PARTIES FIX EVERYTHING!
[7:35pm] The cookies were too big.
[7:39pm] While waiting for cookies to cool, second beer is finished.
[7:41pm] New Belgium Belgo saves the day!
[7:42pm] Non-stick cookies sheets are the bomb.
[7:44pm] Who needs dinner when you have cookies??
[7:51pm] Second batch in the oven!
[7:52pm] Pre-prepping next batch because waiting sucks.
[8:04pm] Second batch done! And not too big, hooray!
[Addendum to 8:04pm] Cookie on the floor. Oh no.
[8:07pm] Third batch in the oven!
[8:21pm] Third batch done!
[8:25pm] Final batch in the oven!
Note to reader: Most of that in-between time has been spent either dancing or lying on the kitchen floor.
[8:36pm] ALL THE COOKIES ARE DONE!
[Addendum to 8:36pm] I’m drunk.
And so, dear readers, that’s how drunk baking is done. I invite you all to share your own drunk baking stories.
Also, cookies are delicious. Om nom nom.